A typical Angelfire "flame" site. Click image to visit. {TAH}

Back in the day, people flocked to free sites on GeoCities, Angelfire, and Tripod to flame every type of pop, cultural, and corporate icon. Hanson (along with the Spice Girls and Microsoft) were at the top of the list. The Angelfire site “Teenagers Against Hanson” is your one-stop shop for everything anti-Hanson brothers (or sisters as this site often refers to them). Computer geeks and haters from all over gathered here to spout criticisms of the boys. Guestbook comments turned into heated debate and name-calling, much like YouTube’s comment system of today. Some anti-Hanson jokes are pretty funny though:

• The Hanson sisters are so stupid they thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
• Hanson is so stupid they got locked in a blanket factory and froze to death.
• The Hanson sisters are so stupid the thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

Basically, hating on Hanson is a waste of time. Who cares if you love Hanson but hate Jewel, or the other way around? Twelve years later, all three Hanson brothers are happily married, and with children. There’s nothing wrong with that, and it goes to show that Teenagers Against Hanson is a very shortsighted project. After all, if the brothers were so ugly, how did they ever conceive children?

Who made their kid pose for this? {tellmewhereonearth.com}

Searching the depths of the Internet is rather boring, but can produce some interesting content. Interesting if you find Y2K survival groups interesting. And there were dozens of them. Many probably still exist today under the umbrella of nuclear attack/government failure/doomsday. The most humorous listing from the Bruce Beach Nuclear Survival Resources & Ark II Fallout Shelter Site comes from Adirondack Herbs, a collective farm. They had quite a few positions open in 1999:

• A. Firewood Reader.
• B. NewScience Officer- -must be a person of Atlantian background, conversant with Ancient Technologies of free energy and perpetual motion.
• C. Multimedia Analyst- -must be able to spend multi hours (a minimum of eight) daily analyzing television. Will submit detailed reports.
• D. Curriculum Director- – for our own Horizontally Challenged Studies Institute, dedicated to the study of afternoon sleep disorders.
• E. Meteorological Officer- – must observe work from a reclining position and promptly warn workers if it starts to rain.
• F. Stove Leaner- -consideration for this job will be given only to people able to make split-second decision distancing posterior from stove might have the direst of consequences.
• G. Triage Specialist- -scientifically determines which vehicle or piece of equipment ought to be decommissioned and promptly breaks it.
• H. Slow Motion Researcher- -must be able to move small objects very slowly from one place to another for no apparent reason.

After all, if the world is going to end, it’s better to die laughing.

Loud woman {gapodcastnetwork}

This little detailed text-file/chart has some unique insights on the world of high decibels, including:

156 (P)IN A MINI-VAN WITH TWENTY 12” WOOFERS AND 19,000 WATTS OF AMPLIFIER POWER.
EACH SPEAKERS IS DISPLACING (PUMPING BACK AND FORTH ) 0.75 INCHES
IF LONG HAIR WOMEN SIT IN IT, HER HAIR WILL FLY OUT OF WINDOW WITH BASS
WINDSHIELD WIPERS FLY OFF VEHICLE 1/2 TO 2 INCHES, DOOR AND FRONT
WINDSHIELD FLEXION MAY BE UP TO +-2 INCHES OR 4 INCHES PEAK TO PEAK
EVEN WITH EARPLUGS (-30 DB) AND HEADMUFFS (-24 DB) = -54 DB IT’S STILL LOUD -REF.1.1997

Why not?

[so many choices]@abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzabcdefghijk.com. What a great email address. I don’t know why I don’t know anyone with such an address, but 25 megabytes for free is not a bad deal these days. Plus, who doesn’t want more than two-and-a-half cycles of the alphabet in every email correspondence? Click the image to go to this wonderful site and setup your new account.

New decades occasionally bring new fears {deviantart}

New Year’s Eve 1999 had its Prince and Y2K had its Robbie Williams, but what does 2010 have? No fears of global meltdown, that’s what!

• On 12/31/99, United Airlines cut 34% of its worldwide flights due to low demand.
• New Zealand waited in fear, as it was the first large country to see the new year. Other countries watched to see how they could capitalize on New Zealand’s potential disaster.
• The CIA worried about Y2K problems in China after they were late to address the issue.
• Some 20,000 phone customers lost their lines in Nigeria after the government punished companies who were not Y2K ready.

Hopefully all systems can figure out that 2010 is not 1910…

Screenshot of the Ralph Lauren site.

You need to love how Polo Ralph Lauren addresses women’s sizes 14-22 as ‘Woman’. It’s not the most welcoming name, but they must think ‘woman’ is more sophisticated than ‘plus-size’. And more politically correct. After all, larger sizes do mean more surface area given a particular piece of apparel.

Please remove the body in your trunk, heavy people in the backseat, or bizarre suspension configuration. Hot rods with a low front and high rear are cool. Cars that are level are great. Low-riders are fun to drive. Vehicles that drive around with the back suspension at maximum compression just look ridiculous. There’s a reason most cars can only carry 750 lbs. Acceleration and control suffers when the majority of the added weight is in the rear. Do everyone a favor and rearrange the weight distribution.

Additionally, it seems that older cars are more prone to being driven with large quantities of junk in the trunk. These noble cars have provided tens of thousands of miles of duty and should enjoy their golden years without this extra stress. Have some heart.

Sincerely,

TKBB

This boat is not going to school. Pirates don't go to school.

For the last time, Columbus Day is a national holiday. To the people of Hialeah (Miami), FL who make up approximately 5% of searchers for this trending topic: there is no school. Fortunately, Wikipedia may provide an answer to the question of why so many residents of Hialeah have this question. The majority of residents are Cuban or Cuban-American, and 23% of the population is under age 18:

As of 2008, Hialeah had the second highest percentage of Cuban and Cuban American residents in the US, with 75.12% of the US populace (with Westchester, Florida at 75.69%, the highest in the US.) It had the forty-third highest percentage of Colombian and Colombian American residents in the US, at 3.16% of the city’s population, and the eighty-fifth highest percentage of Dominican residents in the US, at 1.81% of the its population. It also had the thirty-eighth highest percentage of Hondurans in the US, at 1.15%, while it had the eighth highest percentage of Nicaraguans, at 4.07% of all residents.

Click to enlarge. {google trends}